Ripple in the pond anyone?
| You scored as Lara Croft. A thrill-seeking, slightly unscrupulous, tough-as-nails archaeologist, Lara Croft travels the world in search of ancient relics perhaps better left hidden. She packs two Colt .45s and has no fear of jumping off buildings, exploring creepy tombs, or taking on evil meglomaniacs bent on world domination. |
Batman, the Dark Knight
Captain Jack Sparrow
Neo, the "One"
The Amazing Spider-Man
James Bond, Agent 007
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
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So its been forever again seince I've made a LJ post, so lets catch things up.
I am now living in Michigan with my father, who has agreed to alow me to stay free for room and board, as long as I go to collage. He has also agree to pay for any collage expences for classes I Ace. Obviously an offer I could not refuse.
However the process of setteling in has been slow. I've been here sence late July, however little progress has been made. I am still not fully unpacked, due to lazyness and space restrictions (Too many books to fit what little surface space we have, too many clothes for the drawers we have, and no place to hange anything cause the closet is full of unpacked boxes. Boxes cant be unpacted cause theres no where to put it all. BUT, slowly but surley we are sorting through the boxes, taking the things out we want/need and repacking to condence space. I just unpacked 6 boxes two nights ago.
I have found that it is apsolutly nessary now to get my drivers licence, as I cannot get a bank account here without one, nor can I apply for collage. However, the process of getting my licence is both expensive and tedious. Michigan state law dictates that I need 3 forms of identification in order to get my licence, which I would normally have (CT state ID, Birth Certificate, Social Security Card) However, they have a rather strict list and will now alow my social security card to be used. Therefore, to follow with the list, I have go reissue my passport (And pay all the costs included in that) before even applying for my licence. So I sent my Birth Certificate away with a PITA application form and photos, and have still a week to wait on them getting a reponce to me.
Job wise has been more or less sucessful though. Becca and I are both employed again, in almost identicle jobs as our last ones. I am a prep-cook and dishwasher at a place called EG Nicks, while she works at Taco Bell, another fast food place. Together we are managing what little bills we have easially and have already saved up 800+ dollers to buy a car with.
All and all things are looking on the up...
( and here comes the drama...Collapse )
Jan. 28th, 2004 @ 11:08 am
So I've setteled into my little escapism habbit again. Emersing myself in work with School, playing with FFXI or Gaia, and generally not leaving that pattern. And to be honest. I'm kinda content that way for now. I know that I really CANT do anything else given my situation, and I satasfy my wanting to get out with the reminder that with school, there isnt a fat chance of it. I expect it to be the same way with work, but at least then I can work towards the goal of getting my licence and a bit more freedom.
So here I am, updating my live journal in a pretty much abandoned class because of the crappy weather, though school is still on. I cant eat my ramen cup because I forgot to bring a fork with me, but I managed to eat my crackers and fruit cup just fine, which has suprizingly been holding me over. So theres no real complaints.
Infact, this are pretty damn good now, asside form yesterday's migrane. All I am waiting on now is a bloodly paycheck form my workstudy to start my bank account with, and start becomming alot more independent.
Well there isnt much more to post. I know there isnt any huge deep meaning or any important events in my life on here. But awell, I like being able to have a happy post for once. I think I will do it mroe often.
|» One blunder after another.|
Usually I dont like to sit here and vent to a journal. Mainly because I like venting to people cause at least then somthing is heard. But right now, everyone is asleep, and the more I try to vent, the more I alienate people, the worse I feel, and the more I vent. So I have to try to do it here, before I loose everything.|
But there is good too, but I will start with the bad first.
My events in the past few months have steadily been getting worse and worse. Ontop of getting unsatasfactory grades form last term do to illness, I alienated someone I conistered to be my family: Zero. That seemed to be the start of a very steep downward spiral that has become my live at this point.
Sence then I have be ignoring my other friends, online and off, with the exception of FFXI. However, all the stress of my stupid, really not so bad life, gets poured into there, and I snapped at a friend for somthing stupid, and now I've lost that friend too. I cant blame her as it was entirly my fault, but it really hurts hard when you are uncappible of making up for your mistakes, especially seeming the issue itself wasent that large, but the events surrounding it were, which made it overdramatic.
My combined guilt over all of these events is causing a horrible change in my habbits and atitude. Put simply, I cant eat much at all anymore without wanting to throw up. (And seeming I am now under 100 pounds, this is a VERY bad thing) I havent been able to sleep latly, what little sleep I do get is short and very uncomftrable. I've lost ambition in alot of things that I have spent the few years working very hard to be a part of. And I cant seem to shake off this horrible pitted feeling in my chest that constantly pains me.
I really want to talk with the people I have wronged and try to work things out, or at the very least have a final discussion so things can be ended on not so bad terms, but I dont know how to start, and I dont even think that they would want to talk to me any more. I dispise feeling so helpless against my own mistakes, but this is pretty much what I am now. Helpless. I dont know how to say it openly and I dont know what needs to be done, but... I need help. I'm in a rut and I cant pull myself out of it anymore.
To put it into prespective, I feel as if I am standing in my own grave on a rainy day, And the more and more I try to claw at the wet dirt to get out, the more I bury myself. I'm chest deep in all my own crap, and though I have been able to work myself out of it before, I just cant seem to now.
Anyways, enough with the bad. Lets try to talk about the good.
I've managed to get a group on my game, which seems to work pretty well. Although it is alot of hard work, it is also alot of fun.
The new building of KG seems to be running on one leg, but it is still a nice place to have a school. I am back in classes and will be getting busy with work again rather quickly. One more half to go befoe I throw myself back at the workforce, each day is another day closer to graduation.
Sam pulled away from the stress that was Jen Lee, and is on to better things. Not nessarily bigger, because thats not the way he like to live. But better, happier things and I am glad for it.
My life really isnt so horrible when I compare it to others. But as I like to say. Its just as cold at 60 degrees for those who live in florida, as it is at 20 degrees for those who live in newengland. These are my problems, and although they may not be as bad as other peoples, they still hurt plenty.
Hmm. The holidays are comming. For the past few years I havent been able to enjoy the holidays like I wanted to, which is spending time with friends and family. From the looks of things, this year wont be an exception to that trend, but I seem find with it.|
Spending this vacation in a relaxing mannor seems to be good for me somehow. Even though I have had problems with food and money, I am more mellowed out than I was during classes. I realize I am going to have to step up the pace when school starts again, but that is two and a half weeks away, I really dont want to think on it yet.
I am so content in just sitting here and resting, though tomarrow night I will be picked up by my mother for X-Mas dinnder and resting at home for a few days. I am sure I will get my usual dosage of Adult Swim as I will be claiming my former room form my mother.
So I will be away form internet for a bit, not that it really matters. I think I can use the time unplugged.
|» JUST to piss Zero off more|
You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.
"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
Her sign is the dawn sun.
As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
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|» Bouncing Bank Accounts|
Grrr. I hate bank acconts. Its been four months sence I stared a bank acount with Savings Insitute, and they have yet to get my bankin card to etiher me or my mother. This is ridiculous. I'm just going to start a account over Here. SI May treat SAM well but they havent showed me any good serives to date. |
I'm in my nice little isolation trend again. I'm even shutting out my online friends. THe only thing I really do online is go to this fourms site and role play with people I dont even really know, just to get my agression out "alone". I am realizing why I am shoving everyone away too.
My migranes have gotten worse lately. Every morning, and every night. I cant get any good sleep during the times I need to, even when I try. Its making me very irritatable. I've been finding myself trying not to make a smat ass remark to any one of Sam's jokes now. And I've shut Zero away competely. Goodness knows what kind of sparks would fly if I got into a conversation with HER in my current state. I love her as a sister, but I to hell if I am going to let her have to deal with my curretn atitdue. She's got enough to worry about, and we really dont need to worsen eachothers moral by getting into a fight.
There is one good thing so far though. My brother and his wife (oh my god, I cant beleive I forgot her name!) Have been talking to me over the internet. Thats cheered me up a bit. We talk at least once a week over voice chat. I cant wait till my nefew Connar is born. Its nice to know that they are doing well at least, and that our family bloodline will live on for another generation at least. It kinda makes me homesick of Michigan, because I havent seen cliff sence before I left for Connecticut.... and now he's married and having a child!
*Sigh* Awell, I'll get to visit them when I get done with KG. Speaking of which, I have bunch of books to order... boy this is going to get painfully frustrating. I need to order them Via online and they mail them here. At least I know that they DO get here! I have my books for photoshop class. But I still need to order my books for all my other classes.
I'm in for a long, intimate relationship with computers it seems. If I am not on them at home, I will be during classes. I just hope I will be able to keep focused.
|» Bumps and Bruises (and self-douts)|
I slept in this morning because I had a pit in my stumach and a raging migrane. I diddent want to move, diddent want to wake up. I felt as if the world was about to colapse or pounce on me the instant I moved from my comftrable hole.|
Well, I was partically right, it pounced on Sam instead....
He got fired form his job, as he undoutably posted.
Now I find myself, here, stuck between now and the time I leave for my school, worrying about how to cheer my close friend up, worring about how he will recover from this, if he will be ok. He seems in total shock form this, and... I find myself competley helpless to do anything at all about it.
If I cant help him with this at all, I pretty much am competely useless to him here.
Ugh... there must be somthing I can do... anything.
I will probley brainstorm at school today, when I am susposed to focus on class. Awell. Its only the first week...
The more and more things start to beome rough for Sam, I start to dout more and more about my own abilities in the work feild. I am pretty confident that Sam can trug through. But... I dont think I would be able to handel the stress of it all. Freelance looks more and more inviting than actually doing a full time job in graphic design. But that wont be enough for my goals..... I dont know. My migranes are really preventing me form thiking straight any more. And its ruining most of my sleeping habits.
I just hope I can find some way of makign Sam feel better. I just feel so badily for him right now. I know he'll come through, but isnt there some way I could make him feal better now?